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they are so beautiful

i'll trade off one of my art related skills in exchange for decent spy skills

i havent had a single backstab in years

nor a headshot using sniper

soldier and scout is what i main these days unlike 2 years ago i could freely change to any class without worrying that i would fail nor not being able to help the team
im thinking about opening up for reskin and modelling commissions that involves mostly for tf2/sfm uses

altho if I would rate my knowledge of how to work with the source engine it would prolly fall around 5-7 out of 10 which means I can only do simple stuff like props, weapons, cosmetics and non-animated textures, etc
send screenshots or report back if theres something wrong with it. Thanks in advance

Demobot Axe Hhhh
Demobot Axe Claymore…

this gave me an idea for an Abandoned Fortress teaser 

maybe not actually an in game map but just for sfm
...within our class...metaphorically and a bit literally because people notice it

tho people would mostly see between less than a handful of people, including me, who are in this competition

This competition are between the highly skilled in the class.

People see it as a bad thing while I.... did not see it at all nor see it as a good thing before it was pointed out to me so now I see it as a bad thing too because I feel the heat of it, I get challenge by it but I don't want to participate either... so I asked my friend:

Me: What can I do to make it not look like a competition?
Friend: Nothing, it's not your fault in the first place, you were just posting your works but then they came along

so I just stood there and simply agreed but I still don't like what's happening, its one of the bad things our class/section has that other classes and higher/lower class sees from us... we are not united
not entirely like I will still accept commissions but I won't be able to do them til the end of the semester which is at the end of March
even $10 for a sketch isnt enough

tho I've seen people price their works higher than mine yet the quality is not as good as mine

I feel like I'm not qualified yet to price anything above a hundred dollars for an artwork (e.g. painting)

yet sometimes while I'm working on a commission and feeling how much work I put into it, I feel like I should've priced higher
oh yeah I could've just googled this but heck my internet's being a little shit every now and then

anyway, someone wants me in TF2C and with some quick search its a modding group? tho can't really say what they are modding about

should I even join? 
i dont mean like no textures, or just the bones showing when put into the scene

what I mean is the model itself isn't even showing up in the directories when you search for it in sfm, even when put into usermod or tf or whatever directory you add to gameinfo.txt

I haven't gotten this problem but other people seem to have this with my model/s

could it be my model?

could it be their sfm?


quoting from the person I was helping with this problem: 

"so i found out the reason behind it, and it had nothing to do with the model ^_^" Apprently I made another route that instead of goign to common/sourcefilmmaker i have to go to common/GAME. That would also explain why all my DLC just stop showing up as well..."
im not so fond of greeting people happy birthday

im not sure why

maybe because theres already enough people who greeted them

maybe because i dont give much importance to it since its just a day to remind you that you are a year older

maybe because some birthdays arent celebrated as much the others
so since the days after my birthday, I decided I wanted to have a crush on one of my classmates and I did, and til now.... but I don't feel so excited when he's around, or I don't go all blushus when he talks to me or sits beside me or whatever, I'm mostly like "meh" or neutral, I don't get nervous but sometimes I'm aware I may have acted a bit differently when I'm in his presence....

I'm just glad he's around, that's it.

I don't look at him when he's not looking, I don't go through his facebook profile looking at his pictures, I don't talk about him very much and I try not to think much about any interactions we had.

There was a point where I couldn't stop thinking about him to the point that I had to google some help about how not to think about someone.

So after some searching there was this question "Why are you thinking about them?" and pondered on that question during the day and got to this conclusion that I just like him for his looks, I have all the reasons to not like him I mean he doesn't even fit half the standards of my ideal guy.

Maybe if he was fictional character, I'll draw him all the time, but for now, I've only drawn him like thrice and posted it here and not posting much on facebook or deviantart because he or some of my classmates might see it and will find it creepy. 

Its only been recently that the thought of him keeps flooding my mind. I've worked with him like 90% of the time in our recent short film but I wasn't feeling anything. I just know that I like him.

uuugghhh, this is why I hate crushes, its distracting :iconotlplz:

and yeah, there's prolly more than a handful of my classmates who already knows about who my crush is but I've already explained to them what got into me that I decided to have a crush on him and how I don't want anyone to start teasing me, and also told them that I don't have any plans of being close or even friends with him though now I'm tempted to do so but im conflicted and its conflicting by what i stand for

edit: and also, about his looks, the reason why I like it a lot is because he has distinct features that are fun to cartoonize
but I'll just be including cel shade, pixel art and full composition and will be asking payment up front (due to some recent experience)

I may also take some other commissions like painting, sketches, lineart, SFM, 3d modelling+texture on special occasions and considerations
its been weeks or even months since I've spammed works, tho not much here, but also in tumblr, drawings, animations, workshop items, ANYTHING!

like if I start working on something, even if i like how its turning out or not, I just stop, then try to work on something new, its either i give up or i just lose motivation too easily

somehow, i could only do some doodles or self portraits that I've been using as facebook photos and thats that

im sick of it, i guess its hiatus/artist block

ive been wanting to get back but i cant, the cycle repeats, even if i try to do one of those artist tips or randomizer sites where it gives you ideas and color palettes, nothing

I used to have at least something for every week


EDIT: its actually just almost a month and I already couldnt take it
who asks for technical guidance?

like lets say "how do you make this model then put it in sfm?" or "how do you make your lighting so good?" , or "how do you make your line art clean?" etc

do you just lend them a link to some tutorial or do you make a tutorial(type written/pictures/video) just to answer their question? 

for me, if I know a tutorial that answers their question, sure I'll just send them that, but if I don't know any, I'd gladly type down a detailed explanation and hopefully they'll understand it or if not I'll add some visuals...

but then... most of the people I try to help don't answer back, how will I know if my answer helped? how will I evaluate myself and decide to keep on helping people? it makes me think I failed.
sorry I can't respond to each of them but I really appreciate each one :iconcryforeverplz:

also my siblings got me this mofo
Embedded image permalink
so yeah the short film thing is still going to proceed, i have no choice anyway, I've already made a storyboard and somewhat animatic of said film using SFM instead of just drawing them, here's my favorite part of my storyboard

I showed the class the whole storyboard and they loved it and they are impressed like "wow, a 3d storyboard, can this storyboard alone be our entry instead?"

Even tho the storyboard's complete, I still have some changes for it, but not so major, just fillers. I've planned a filming date and held a bunch of meetings regarding things to do and bring during the filming.

Automatically, since I wrote the story, I am the director and team captain which I am not in really in favor tbh, I guess some people see me as that kind of figure but its tiring, and I'm the kind of person that once there's already a game plan, the team has to stick to it, no major changes. period. But yeah I know I should be open minded and more flexible to these changes, but ugh, I'm too lazy to adjust the plan, might as well choose a different leader for this because they've made a mistake putting me in charge. OR MAYBE THEY REALLY DIDNT WANT ME TO LEAD THE GROUP and I'm just being initiatively bossy because in my experiences in the past year with my classmates, most of the projects or activities would require to push them to work, and some of these incidents had me yelling at them at some points because they'll go back to being unorganized and noisy.

I complain a lot, and the reason I'm doing this again is because, like I said, I've already made up my mind with the film and the filming, etc, and they want to add some things to it, which I'm okay with but what's giving me an "I'm so done" or "bahala na kayo" feel is because I have to adjust everything. Which leads me to just "do whatever you wanna do, if we run out of time, then its not my fault" kind of mindset.

In the past months I've practiced the mindset of not thinking about how hard to do the thing but instead, just focus on doing the thing no matter how hard, and now im breaking it. I'm doing my best to have better mindsets, and I do manage to apply them but oh how I hope I won't be able to break my combo and going back to my old sulky, succumbing, lazy, demotivated mess like I am right now.

I'm gonna try and suck it up and let it happen, or take a break because this is what all I've been working on in the past days. or both

If I didn't tell the idea for a story I have, I wouldn't have anything more to worry about at this moment...

I have this idea for a story for an sfm vid while i was having those choppy sleep at night, im not really sure what came into me that i had to suggest said story for our annual film contest at uni, maybe i wanted to see what people thought of it, and now a lot of my classmates seemed to like it, some had goosebumps after listening to my story, they voted on it as the story for our entry and now i am responsible for this, or at least my friend who really liked and wanted my story to be the entry

on top of that, I'm not even confident about my story in terms of originality, the situation of the character is cliche, I admit but how it was shown is something I'm unsure of feeling that some film already made such story and I'd be accused of stealing the idea

other than that, its more work for me, I have to direct the film and lead the team to make it, ugh

I should have kept my ideas as dark as night

and by the time its ready, I'd strike like a thunderbolt
people state that "your thing reminds me of this already existing thing"

back to the drawing board because i cant be original