I'm

pathetic

I'm gonna talk about that "stupid problem" I've been having over and over since I was a kid. It's having a crush on someone or even falling in love with someone that usually end up as one-sided love. I find it stupid or pathetic because its not the kind of problem like financial or depression or studying because I don't find having to find a partner a necessity, I mean, I can pretty much handle myself on my own, and what's even more stupid, this love life problem of mine is what's affecting me the most. Yeah I get inspired by the guy who I'm into but when it comes to the point that I start to worry about their feelings towards me, my mind goes downhill and I keep telling myself I won't let that shit affect me but it still does and over and over again, even though I've already learned that every guy I meet that will come to the point to more than liking them as a friend, I'll just end up disappointed. 

I tend to observe patterns like...well, to these guys irl that I had feelings for never liked me back, maybe a bit but not to the point of being like close to me physically and emotionally, or they'd usually stay away maybe because of the way I act, but these times were from Elementary and High School. Now that I've stepped into college, I fell for guys that I met on the internet although I admit that the first guy didn't like me back, but the next ones, they've shown interest and so did I and we were happy but just temporary. They may have left me alone in the cold but the memories I had with them makes me feel warm. So basically, guys irl don't like me because of the way I act, while guys from the internet didn't stay too long because of the fact that we live on the opposite sides of the planet, and also because of my attitude conversation wise.

Over and over again I tried to impress these, I tell ya, some went well and some didn't go as I hoped for. Then I made this facebook status "You may mean a lot to the world but not to the one that means the world to you." So I thought and have decided that I don't need such person in my life, I have more friends, family and fans that likes me and even love me more than this one guy could ever do. 

To be honest, as soon as I start to like a guy, there's already a thought creeping from the back of my mind saying "You'll just end up being disappointed." It's like the trampoline waiting at the bottom of the cliff once if I ever fall so I could bounce back up again.

So now I just want to say that I can do this, I'll do my best not to fall for this stupid problem again because it really affects me badly and I don't want that, and if another guys comes by in my life, I'll have my trampoline ready.

But that doesn't mean I'm hopeless, I'll wait even if the right guy for me doesn't really exist.